Wednesday, September 28, 2011
I have this problem. I avoid myself, and others. I set up barriers. My main barrier: boys... they keep me away from who I truly am, make me do stupid things. Since being away from boys for over a year now, I have found so many more barriers that I put up on a daily basis, excuses, etc. In order to let down my barriers I have to be painfully honest with myself. So painfully honest. I will admit, there have been times where I have wanted to give up and go back to my old ways. Just live my life oblivious to the world and my barriers. Living inside myself, and barricaded from myself all at the same time. Completely Isolated from the world and myself, not knowing who I really am, completely and utterly alone. I have two amazing best friends who have been there for me through this whole thing, they recognize my barriers now that I am telling them about them and they are forcing me to be honest with myself, even when it is so hard. So I am challenging anyone reading this, if you ever do anything as a quick and easy fix to make yourself feel better, or to try and hide from something, or to try and fit in. STOP. NOW. seriously. It is not worth it, be yourself, God made you the way you are for a reason. He also made you human, unable to see his full plan from where you are now, so if it seems like life is going nowhere... hang in there. God has showed me that he has a plan with every wind blowing, every snowflake that falls. Everything has a reason. Love yourself, God doesn't make mistakes.