Monday, January 16, 2012

For the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: 'If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?' And whenever the answer has been 'No' for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something. -Steve Jobs

I am still confused. I am back at school. I had a useless day. I was happy earlier. today that is. I have been having heart palpitations. My floor pops if I step on it weird. There is a weird noise coming from upstairs. I can't go to bed. I want to go to bed. I have responsibilities. I am uncomfortable. I still don't know what I want. My room is a mess. I spoke spanish. Quieres, como dos, pero, quieres. Probably horribly botched. Un poco mas de espaniol. In regards to my knowledge of french. Quiero/Quieres and Urgente are my favorite spanish words. Quarter is my favorite english word. I like q's.

I have decided that I am going to go with myself. I am going to be more free. I will wear what makes me comfortable. I will make myself uncomfortable, I will stretch my comfort zone. I WILL meet people. I WILL make this work. and you know... maybe my friends don't need to go to my school. I wish I had a stronger base of friends. What is so difficult is that I do have a really good friend. But we don't have too many others in our group, and she isn't old enough to come out with me. Which is really strange because I am used to being the youngest. What really sucks though is that I have 8ams M-F which means I don't get to stay out late except friday and saturday... sure I have all day off m/w/f after 9am but who else is?

I have already cried a couple times today.

I feel I will never find peace.

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