Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Summer classes and a few words on my mother.

Today I spent the day, four full hours of it, applying and registering for summer classes. Applying took all of 30 minutes. Then I had to take my placement test, which took me 2 full hours, almost exactly. I did really well and placed above where I needed to. Then came registering. I sat in a room for a good 30 minutes, then met with an advisor for another 30, then had to set up my account and register. which took me nearly a half hour because the computers are useless and no one was there to help... guess that's what you get at a community college. Funny though I saw someone from my old school there. Guess he didn't like it either. So now I am all registered and paid... 800 dollars for 10 credit hours... yes please! Everything worked out perfectly, despite it being long and painful! On the way back though my mom decided to dig the knife in a little deeper and discuss how irresponsible I am. Right.... I am irresponsible, the one who does all the shopping, cooking and cleaning... the one who keeps track of my mother for her... ya I need to re-evaluate, sorry! Apparently she thinks she is just being helpful. So when I snapped at her, telling her I can't take her abuse anymore and that if it continues I am living with my dad for the summer, she was upset. I made her lunch, specifically for her, a loaded vegan sweet potato (recipe to come). Except she was too disgusted with me to eat. So I again snapped, and told her, "I found this recipe specifically for you, I bought this sweet potato JUST for you, I made it JUST for YOU, and I cut my finger making it FOR YOU... and you don't want it?" Huge slap in the face right there. I guess she felt bad so we shared it. Over the sweet tater I told her how I was feeling. I explained to her that when she says things like that it is very degrading and condescending. It is very hurtful and makes me feel completely worthless. I asked her if she understood what I was saying, and realized how that made me feel... if she had ever been made to feel that way by her own mother. She never answered. My sister is extremely needy and very reliant on my mother for everything. I am the exact opposite, I want no help from anyone, I want to figure things out on my own. I am very meticulous and want things done exactly right. She if extremely un-precise, so I have never relied on her to do anything for me. She doesn't understand that and I guess took that as a sign that I was lazy and didn't get anything done, since she couldn't imagine me doing it on my own. Especially since my sister, who is five years older, wouldn't have done it on her own, how could I have done it on my own five years younger? Well I did, but she never saw it because I never told her about my life, we never talked because she never understood and never cared to understand. Anyway, she is a great woman... maybe not the best mother, but she is all I have and I have learned to live around it. She has yet to realize her behavior is a problem. This is why I do better living separately from her.

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